Dude: Do you think if I had a tail I’d be happy?
Girl: I’m just going to sit here quietly and ponder the ridiculousness of that statement.
Random guy: …Didn’t you steal that line from Arrested Development?
Girl: Yeah, so?
Random guy: Well, if you’re going to make fun of him for being an idiot, he should at least get to make fun of you for being a plagiarist.–C train
“She was like, ‘Oh, I thought Buddy was lost!’ and reaches under the bed.”
“Teddy bear?”
“Pet snake.”
–Two guys talking at Raleigh’s.
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